Gotham's Got Talent!
by JimandSteve
Summary: Join the Summer's new show, Gotham's Got Talent, as the Joker, Batman, and Donna judge to discover Gotham's finest!
1. Episode 1

_**Gotham's Got Talent! Episode: 1**_

Joker: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, is the season premier of what is going to be the, uh, greatest show this Summer. Right kiddies?

*hostages nod heads*

Donna: You know, we could have easily gotten an actual audience instead of kidnaping Dr. Arkham and his staff.

Bruce: *panic attack* This, this is awful! Batman's not suppose to do suff like this! My career is going down the toilet!

Joker: No need to worry, Batsy! *puts glasses on Bruce* No one will recognize you now!

Bruce: YAY!

Alfred: Shall I introduce the first contestant, Miss Donna?

Donna: Certainly Alfred!

Alfred: Here we have a young man and his pet whale all the way from the south side of Gotham City. He has been waiting for a chance to prove himself a winner and show his talent off to the world. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to our first ever contestant!

Crane: Hello, my name is -

Joker: ***BUZZ***

Crane: I haven't done my act yet!

Bruce: That is one freakishly big jelly bean.

Donna: That's a whale, stupid. Now, what do you and your whale do?

Crane: Mr. Po Po and I are _professional_ stunt doubles and we will be performing an act so deadly, only a handful of people have survived.

Joker: *yawn*

Bruce: Well, I look forward to seeing this. Good luck.

Crane: Hit it Alfred!

Alfred: *starts CD player - dramatic music starts playing*

Crane: *has long staring contest with Mr. Po Po*

Bruce: D:

Joker: XD

Donna: 0_

Alfred: ....

Bruce: That was amazing! You have my vote!

Donna: WHAT?!

Joker: In all my long year in Gotham, I have never seen anything so utterly..._Chaotic_. Really, you had me on the edge of my seat. I say, Yes!

Donna: *shocked look* What - I - Why - FINE. You have my vote too.

Crane: YAY! We're going to the next round, Mr. Po Po!

Mr. Po Po: Moo.

Alfred: .... *Ahem* Our next contestant tried to destroy Gotham not too long ago. He personally trained my Master, Mr. Bruce Wayne, and he somehow managed to survive a train crash. Don't ask me how. With a new chance at life, he wants to destroy civilizations with style. Contestant number Two.

Bruce: Hey, Al!

Ras Al Ghul: I told you not to call me that.

Joker: Is there some reason why you're wearing my, uh, Nurse Outfit?

Ras Al Ghul: It is part of my act. I believe that when destroying a great city, one must tear it apart not only physically, but mentally as well.

Donna: Uh, okay then. Show us what you got.

*Ninjas dance out playing violins*

Ras Al Ghul: *Starts tap dancing - does an elegant jump in the air - skips around tossing flowers*

Donna: I'm speechless. Your dancing is so amazing, yet brain damaging at the same time. I vote Yes!

Ras Al Ghul: *sob* Thank you.

Joker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! That, that was hilarious. You have my vote.

Bruce: YOU NEVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO THAT!

Ras Al Ghul: If you vote for me, I'll teach you how.

Bruce: Deal. You're going to the next round!

Ras Al Ghul: BWHAHAH!

Alfred: Our last contestant of the evening was once known as "Gotham's White Knight". Because of a certain make over however, this DA decided that he had a new calling in live. Sir, don't touch those cookies. *punches Harvey*

Harvey: Hello, all!

Joker: Oh, crud. It's him.

Bruce: What brings you to _Gotham's Got Talent_, Harvey?

Harvey: I believe in world peace.

Donna: Other than that.

Harvey: Oh, uh...I've always wanted to go into modeling for underwear commercials, so that's what my act's going to -

Joker: ***BEEP***

Donna: ***BEEP***

Bruce: ***BEEP***

Harvey: Oh, cruel world!

Alfred: Thank you for joining for our first episode of _Gotham's Got Talent_. Please join us soon for our next one, some time in the future.


	2. Episode 2

_**I want to give a huge thank you to all of you who reviewed and favorited my story!**_ _**Seriously, you have no idea how much it means to me. I decided I would try writing this Episode more like the show: including backstage footage and short interviews with the contestants. Please let me know if my portrayal of the show works or not.**_

_**Gotham's Got Talent! Episode 2**_

Alfred: Welcome back to another addition of, _Gotham's Got Talent_. After last week's contestants, our judges are ready to see what else Gotham has in store for them.

- - _Behind the Scene Footage_ - -

Joker: So...Jerry, right?

Henchman: That's right, sir.

Joker: How many contestants were you able to gather up?

Henchman: . . .You mean _hostages_?

Joker: ***glare of doom***

Henchman: Oh, right! *clears throat* Me and my boys were able to find quiet a lot of ... contestants. Funny how a little persuasion goes a long way, eh? Haha, eh?

Joker: ... Wanna know how I got these scars?

Bruce: It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see they were _obviously_ caused by paper cuts.

Donna: You're so gullible, Bruce.

Bruce: What does_ gullible_ mean?

Joker: It's a term females use to imply that they think you're simply the best there is.

Donna: No it's not!

Bruce: I'm so flattered!

Donna: Watch it, Clown. I have a _very_ good memory. _**BWHAHAH!**_

- - _Back Stage_ - -

Alfred: Our first contestant is Gotham's very own Police commissioner.

Gordan: My name is Jim Gordan and I'm a huge fan of Polka. Ever since I was a little boy, Polka has been my inspiration. It has helped me through...so much. Last year, my hamster was brutally murdered by my next door neighbor, Mrs. Exterminator, and Polka really pulled me through. I'm hoping by showing Gotham, Polka's magical beauty, that people will follow my lead and join this new music trend.

Alfred: You ready for this, sir?

Gordan: You bet!

Alfred: Good luck.

- - _Stage_ - -

Donna: Hey...I know you!

Joker: Aren't you that one guy? Gary Oldman?

Gordan: What?

Bruce: Ignore them. What are you going to be doing for us today?

Gordan: I am going to be performing one of my favorite Polka songs.

Joker: *snickers* This outta be good...

Donna: Well, give us what you got.

Bruce: 'Cause you ain't got much.

Gordan: What?

Alfred: I suggest you start Polking, sir.

Gordan: Uh, okay. *pulls out accordion - plays Mary Had A Little Lamb*

Bruce: *holds head - starts screaming* Not...this...song!

Joker: XD

Donna: ***BEEP***

Bruce: What on earth was that?

Gordan: Mary Had A Little Lamb?

Bruce: Oh. I thought it was Tinkle Tinkle Little Star.

Joker: It's _Twinkle Twinkle_, Batsy.

Bruce: Not the version I know!

Donna: Gordan, I know Polka means a lot to you, but the song choice was terrible. Now, if it had been something like..oh, I don't know...

Joker: 99 Bottles of Beer?

Donna: Yeah, something like that, I would have reconsidered.

Gordan: *pouts*

Bruce: Time to vote. Personally, I thought you did great.

Joker: *snorts* Yeah, right. Sorry _Commissioner_, you just aren't Gotham's best.

Donna: OFF STAGE, OFF STAGE, OFF STAGE!

Gordan: WAAA!

Alfred: *blinks - shakes head* Our next contestants have traveled from quiet a ways. Friends, Superman and Spiderman have been touring America showing off their special talent.

- - _Backstage_ - -

Spiderman: Sups and I have been friends for a very long time.

Superman: A very long time.

Spiderman: We first discovered we both had a gift when I was slurping my Strawberry Milkshake.

Superman: Slurping...milkshake.

Spiderman: *glares*

Superman: *evil grin*

Spiderman: *shoves Kryptonite down Superman's tights*

Superman: OH _**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.**_

- - _Stage_ - -

Joker: Hello, gents. What's your group's name?

Superman: We are known as the Amazing Super Dudes.

Bruce: ...right. Do you think you have what it's got to win _Gotham's Got Talent_?

Spiderman: Nope, not really.

Superman: He meant, Yes. We are both very confident peo-

Spiderman: Nope, I meant what I said.

Superman: No. You didn't.

Spiderman: Yes, I did.

Superman: No...you DIDN'T.

Spiderman: Yes...I DID.

Donna: *nervous laugh* Why don't you two do your act and then we'll decide if you have what it takes.

Joker: Teheheh...

*Superman & Spiderman - pull out sock puppets*

Superman: Well, hello there, Bob. How are you?

Spiderman: I'm just great, Fred. How are you?

Superman: I'm doing wonderful. Would you happen to know how I got herpes?

Spiderman: That wasn't in the script!

Superman: Oh, please, not now!

Bruce:** You guys are going to the next round**!

Donna: They are?

Joker: Welp, gotta go. Places to destroy and people to kill...

Alfred: Tune in next week for another exciting episode of..._Gotham's Got Talent_!

**Sorry for cutting this short, all this writing is killing me! I will have more character auditioning, so no worries. Review and I will love you.**


	3. Episode 3

_**Wow, I am so pleased by all the positive I have received! I can't believe it's been so popular :D So, thank you and I hope you enjoy this episode!**_

_**Gotham's Got Talent! Episode 3**_

Alfred: Greetings and welcome to the third week of _Gotham's Got Talent_. The Judges are ready to face the line of new contestants from all across Gotham and the globe. Starting off the acts is assistant district attorney, Miss Rachel Dawes.

_- - Backstage - -_

Rachel: What am I suppose to do here?

Alfred: You just talk.

Rachel: About what?

Alfred: I don't know, Miss. Some people tend to explain what their talent is and why they think they will win _Gotham's Got Talent_.

Rachel: That sounds boring. Can we talk about the previous episode of my favorite show?

Alfred: Uh, no.

Rachel: Can we talk about this really cute shirt I saw at Wal-Mart?

Alfred: Nope.

Rachel: Can we -

Alfred: Sorry, I'm afraid you're out of time.

Rachel: But -

Alfred: *shoves Rachel on stage*

- - _Stage_ - -

Joker: Well, _hello_, beautiful.

Rachel: Oh, great. You again.

Bruce: Hello, what's your name?

Rachel: Oh, come on, Bruce. You know my name!

Donna: I think after that backstage interview, he'd rather pretend he didn't.

Joker: So, what do you do, toots?

Rachel: *glares* I ground clown freaks you like into the ground and eat them for breakfast.

Donna: Hmmm, interesting act. Sounds like something I'd say.

Bruce: I'm afraid your talent is a bit too violent for our family friendly show.

Joker: I would have to agree. Sorry, sweetheart.

Rachel: Why you - !!

*Technical difficulties. Please wait.*

Alfred: Our next contestant is a Playboy Billionaire and a hero much like my Master.

- - _Backstage_ - -

Tony: After I became Iron Man, lots of people began to look at me differently, thinking that my interest was solely in building things. The truth of the matter is that, I have a lot of talent that no one knows about and I want Gotham to see.

Jarvis: I'm sure they will truly welcome your talent, sir.

Alfred: Hey, only one butler at a time!

Jarvis: My apologies.

Tony: So for that past several months, I have been couched by Jarvis in several of my strangest areas of talent. I firmly believe that I can win the heart of Gotham.

- - Stage - -

Donna: Welcome to the stage of** doom**.

Joker: Hey, you're scaring our contestant. That's _my_ job.

Bruce: Now, now, be nice. Hey, Tony, what's up?

Tony: Oh, you know...the usual pretending to be a gullible Playboy while really being a hero.

Bruce: I know what you mean. *winks at Donna*

Joker: XD

Donna: Remember, clown, I have a _wonderful_ memory.

Joker: So, Tony, why do you think you have what it takes to win?

Tony: Of course I do - why else would I be here?

Bruce: Well some people have this illness where they think they have talent. We get a lot of contestants from Arkham. It's complicated.

Tony: I see.

Donna: Welp, enough talk more action. Hit it.

*Music starts playing*

Alfred: So, how long have you been a butler?

Jarvis: Hey, I'm trying to watch my Master. You mind?

Alfred: My apologies.

*Tony starts yodeling - pulls out banjo*

Joker: _**AAAAAAAAAH! MY BRAIN CAN'T TAKE THIS! TOO MUCH!**_

Donna: Oh, I don't know. I think it's kinda catchy.

Bruce: 8D

Tony: So, what'd you think?

Donna: Since you managed to nearly kill my clown friend here, you're going on to the next round!

Joker: No - Please! I beg you!

Donna: Oooooh, he's begging. Sorry, nope.

Bruce: Tony, you never told me you could yodel.

Tony: *Starts yodeling again*

Joker: _**AUGH! **_*faints*

Donna: Say, Tony, are you single?

Alfred: Our last contestant of the evening is - *looks at list* Why is my name on here?

Bruce: Oh come on, Alfred. You know you want to show off your talent!

Joker: *wakes up* Do your thing, Al!

Alfred: Well, okay.... *starts break dancing*

Donna: 0_-

Bruce: ...

Joker: **XD**

Alfred: Do I go to the next round?

Bruce: ***BEEP***

Donna: ***BEEP***

Joker: *stabs **BEEP**er*

Alfred: *sighs* Tune in next time for more from _Gotham's Got Talent_!


End file.
